Yet, there in that neglected bathroom is where you can see a more accurate state our life.
Of course, to get there, you'd have to venture beyond our newly tidied up entryway and bypass our freshly vacuumed living room--all of which we probably did right before you got here. You'd have to make your way up empty stairs (a rare sighting around here) and pass by our made bed (my one consistent habit).
Even when those main living spaces are a mess, it's usually just a quick picking up when we have company. Our master bathroom is an entirely different story. Because this room is not generally seen by anyone besides us. We close the doors and keep company out.
It's recently, as I finally did a little deeper cleaning, that I realized our unkempt bathroom tells an ugly truth about my motives.
I thought I cared about simplicity and cleanliness just for my family's and my own benefit. And most days I really do--a clean, simple home is a sanity-keeper for me. It turns out maybe I'm also doing it for appearances more than I realize.
We'll clean up and make things look good to welcome you in. That's good. Who really wants to see our home a mess anyway?
But if we know no one's coming over or that a space (ah hem, our master bathroom), won't be seen, then it might be neglected for an unknown amount of time. Probably until it drives me crazy. Until then, it sort of passes under our radar, a hidden secret sometimes successfully even hidden from ourselves.
That's of course not the only area where I've confused my intentions and real motives.
I had a baby last July and the weight clung to me a little longer than it did with my two previous babies. Stepping on the scale became a daily habit as I stressed over whether I needed to start my wardrobe over and just accept this as my new size. I casually evaluated possible diet improvements and exercise plans, which all seem like good, healthy solutions.
Except that my issues with the weight wasn't so much about me being healthy and making the best choices for me. When I looked deeper I realized it was more about appearances. I cared more about looking how I used to look, fitting into my favorite clothes, and looking "good" than I did about being a healthy woman. (For a new mom having intense nursing cravings and getting little sleep at night, I was relatively healthy.)
I need to take a second to let that confessional sink in.
It seems perhaps my internal drive to always learn and always grow has a bit of a dark side. It hides behind good things. Those Pinterest boards to inspire a better life and those goals I strive for appear noble. Then, when I get honest about my why, it seems there's more people-pleasing than I care to admit.
Making life choices, from cleaning house to exercise and diet plans, for others' acceptance and approval, isn't healthy. It misplaces my happiness in someone else's hands. It keeps me chasing after something I can never reach--perfection in someone else's eyes. Even personal trainers and models can't please everyone. And it reinforces the lie that this is how we all should live.
More importantly, living to please others keeps me from chasing after the only acceptance and approval I truly need. The only One that truly satisfies.
Even when it seems I'm succeeding, if I do anything in life for a mere human's approval and acceptance, I've lost sight of Jesus. And nothing is worth pursuing if it leads me away from Him.
Those goals, as good as they may be, are nothing if they're not grounded in Jesus. A good life isn't good enough. It's because of Jesus that I could ever be enough, and without Him I'll exhaust myself trying to be better.
Who really wants life to be about single digit sizes or immaculate bathroom floors anyway?
Not me!
So, I will bring my goals and my efforts before Jesus. My home. My body. My family. My work. All of it. It's already His. And by returning it to Him daily, I can carry His plan for my life. Pursue His ideal for me. Which, let's face it, is so much better than what I can come up with.
>>>
also read:
family dinner conversations
welcome into our mess...y home
simplifying home: 8-week challenge
simplicity starts here
